The Kintners Music Why do we have to agree on everything? Isn’t that boring?

We got to fly to New York City and perform a song I wrote with the fabulous Charu Suri. Good times.

Yesterday’s entry

Yesterday I wrote about classic rock music I can no longer stand. My takeaway from the feedback is folks out there don’t think I have a right to not like The Beatles. Or I’m dumb if I don’t like them. This right here is what’s wrong with people.

See, it doesn’t make a difference if I like classic rock to me, just to them. There’s a very religious-type reverence for classic rock musicians. I’m not religious so I do not have that problem. Once they piss me off, I find someone else. There’s so many to check out.

I love punk rock but for a long time I couldn’t hang with punk rockers. It felt like this.

In other spheres..

Politics work the same way, unfortunately. I am still scarred by my questions and responses from other democrats on BlueSky when I had it. I simply don’t trust Kamala Harris at all. I don’t trust her as much as I don’t trust Trump. I may like her a little more, tolerate her better, but I sure don’t think she’s up to “good” work.

What I got by asking folks about Kamala was a gamut of insults about where I live, being an old fat white guy, being a MAGA (which is hilarious), even my mental health was mentioned, and I didn’t even say I wasn’t voting for her, which I did vote for her. I simply had questions like, “why does she act like that and everyone still likes her?”🤷

“Vote blue no matter who, idiot!”

I’ve been treated worse in online circles by democrats than by MAGAs. Truth. Very hurt. Emotional. I voted with these people most of my life. To be dismissed for decent questions made me realize they weren’t democrats anymore. They were fanatics. I have bad luck with fanatics. So I don’t call myself democrat anymore despite being a proud democrat at one time. Too many fanatics.

Whatever you think this is talking about, to me, it’s a subtle commentary on fandom.

Fandom

Fanaticism abandons judgement for fervor. It’s not my thing. Exactly what happened last election too. I’m into making decisions and thinking about things. That’s not fanaticism.

Fans of rock, democrats, brand names, church, or even liberal causes can be downright annoying. Just as annoying as MAGA. It’s because they’re no different. They abandon common sense for the sensation of being a part of something superior to other somethings. Not my thing. You go ahead.

Fandom may represent cash flow for a musician, maybe why folks like it. But as someone who routinely loses fans for saying what I’m thinking about, I’m not sure it’s good. I don’t trust it.

I need to FEEL like a musician.

It may also provide validation. Maybe I needed fans at one point to prove to myself I could write songs. No longer needing that, I’ve turned the corner of speaking my mind and being honest. Sure, I have lost fans that way. But I’ve also gained a lot of friends. I find one friend to be as important if not more than thousands of fans. Friends are a goal for me. Fans, not so much..

I say the word “passionate” about as much as the word “producer” these days. They’re both great words so they got adopted by other folks to mean different things. Sad, but also linguistics.

It’s about trying to live.

It’s not surprising that if I spend a lot of effort doing what I think folks want I get burnt out and cranky. Also, quite lonely. Which is bonkers. That’s what I’m wanting to avoid. I’m a person with mental health issues. I need folks in my life unafraid to say, “are you feeling okay, Kelly?” It literally has saved my life before.

You don’t get that with thousands of fans. It’s a friend’s job.

The trick, I’ve found, is not agreeing with everyone and being myself. But it’s not easy, at first. I am not sure I knew who I was or what I liked when I began. And, a lot of that is changed now anyway. I’m not the same one day to the next.

This is fine. I don’t worry about it. I’m bipolar and my mindset is jolted frequently. I can’t expect to be “solid as a rock.” It’s not in the cards for me. I’ve read the symptoms. I take meds. Go to doctors. Do research. It’s a big part of my life. My friends understand this and love me. Fans do not.

If I was Sonic, I probably would too!

I’ve decided on things, now you try!

My friends understand I’m really an old-school Democrat but there’s no longer an old-school Democrat to support. It’s hard. Not easy. The decisions are tough. Fans do not get this. I’m not sure they’re fond of the word “decision” seeing as they avoid it so much.

F-R-Double “E”- Dumb.

Fans like classic rockers no matter what. My friends understand that I want to listen to folks I think I might enjoy talking to. That’s part of the imagination game to me. I don’t feel that way with many classic rockers so I quit listening to them. Fans don’t have this issue, but they also listen to a lot less indie music. I think that’s a sad trade that doesn’t have to be. I listen to whatever I want, not whatever I’m told.

Remember when only bad guys talked like this?

It’s cool to drop me a line, even if we disagree. That’s not a dealbreaker for me.

I don’t ask for money. But I’ll always ask for an email. Say “hey.” I’m not looking for fans. I’m on the hunt for friends. As a mental health patient and advocate for living as happily as possible, I find friends necessary. Fans not so much. If it isn’t necessary, that means I don’t need it.

Looking ahead..

If someone disagrees with you and you happen to remember this column, ask yourself if they’re trying to talk. Are they curious? Isn’t that good? Me? It’s what I want. I think friendly disagreement is the shit. I’m a fan of that.

I loved researching the term “toxic fandom” and finding memes!

Are you getting smarter, you think? Why? Why not?

Friendly disagreement is adult education many of us miss out on. Myself included. No one bothers. That means we’re dumb. It’s true. If you can’t disagree with folks and still be buddies, that’s an issue. I’d work on zapping it! You’ll be smarter!

In closing:

Fandom squelches friendly disagreements. But being so attached to your brand or team and not engaged in a human being talking in front of you is your issue. Not the person asking you a question. They’re probably asking you because you’re a fan anyway.

Work that one out.