Troubled.
When you have a family member who drinks or does drugs to the extent of everyone knowing it and their behavior giving it away, “musical genius” isn’t the first word that comes to mind for them. For me, it’s more like “troubled.”
I was in high-school when Nirvana was all the fuss. They changed music. Drums and vocals were forever different in the rock world. Before that, hard rock vocals were high, wailing, (annoying). Kurt Cobain had a much lower raspy register. And even though his band wasn’t that great (sorry), their sound was their own.
I thought the dude was scary.
Kurt Cobain frightened me as a kid though. He went dark places, said dark things. Steve Albini said he was just a dope fiend. I’m not sure what that means. The president could be a dope fiend, does that mean he ain’t the president? Also, I’m not a Steve Albini fan despite him helping bands I like. Sorry for that too. Just seemed like a prick. 🤷
If I work with or have a friend who’s having drug problems, I try to help them. Maybe they need something, maybe they just want to talk. I didn’t know Kurt Cobain but I’m disturbed even today about the general lack of concern up to and after his death for druggie music geniuses.
About “genius.”
Also, “genius” is a dumb word. I hate it. If Kurt was a black dude, no one would call him a genius. Privilege checking, is all.
The suffering.
But the thing is, Kurt suffered a great deal. He was on top of the world like so many musicians strive for and he was obviously tortured about it. Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.
Key:
I think this drives at the root of my musical mentality. “If it’s not fun, what are you doing with your life?”
Legacy of pain.
Kurt suffered. That’s all I can think about these days when I think of him, suffering. Not “musical genius”, not “groundbreaking”, not even “grunge.” All I see in him is suffering.
Relationships?
People may not understand who strive for what he had and that just adds to the suffering. The more people in your life who have no interest in knowing you, the worse off you are. Hardly anyone knew Kurt, they just thought they did by relating to his music. Believe it or not, that kind of “relationship” is not fun for a lot of musicians, myself included.
If the world knows of you, but doesn’t know you, it makes it very difficult to know yourself. You have a tendency to fight the way the world sees you or you think they see you all the time. Maybe you want to “get real” or something with a serious release that says how you feel. The kids might love it, but unless you’re a kid, you still lonely?
“Act Grateful!”
Crowds often tell musicians to be grateful too. Musicians get a lot of flack for being off-putting or flippant about expectations. I want folks to feel free to act honestly. *Artist. I never tell artists to act or be grateful like they told Kurt, and that’s because of Kurt. What if he never really wanted any of that shit? I’ve been told to act grateful before. Silly “fans.” I act how I want.
Dropping the ball.
Kurt was on MtV a lot talking about this or that, but it’s hard to even listen to what he says anymore. He just looks wretched. If we learn anything from Nirvana, can it be to help folks suffering even if they’re famous? I think we dropped the ball on Kurt, among others.
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