Panhandlers
I was always baffled as a trucker with the panhandlers. More than once a day, most days, I’d be approached for cash by a stranger while pumping fuel or buying a sandwich. Most times I was ready, sometimes I wasn’t. I always tried to give them something. I enjoyed that.
The epic stories
Some of them had worked up speeches or yarns they’d spin about being broke down somewhere. Some were into self-deprecating mental ill talk like “I’m just a dumb broke ni**er.” Believe it or not, that was a fairly common approach to get money. But they didn’t even have to talk. ..with me.
You get your life together with this 5 bucks okay?
I don’t care if the money I gave them was used for drugs or alcohol or a bite or a down payment on a house. I don’t care. Like in my core, I seriously don’t give a shit.
Every person I can think of who has asked me for money could use a beer anyway, happy to have provided. Whatever they used it for.
I was homeless.
When I was in my 20’s I became homeless for a bit. If it wasn’t for the library and friendly truckers, I don’t know where I’d be.
The library has very cozy chairs. You may not know, but a cozy free chair in air conditioning sometimes is all you need. But they also have books. Like, what more could you want?
Truck stops have food and showers. They also have truckers. This is good for me. I could get a shower ticket from a driver who’d never use it. If they drove a route, had a day cab, sometimes just the uniform gave it away, then I’d ask for their shower ticket. Countless times I got a corn dog too. I later became a trucker. You bet your ass it’s because of free corn dogs and showers.
Payback.
By the time I hit the road myself, I was looking forward to just being nice to the me’s out there at truckstops. It didn’t take long and it never let up.
How do you own it and give it away at the same time?
I’ve talked to folks who don’t give anything and that’s their business but their reason sucks. “They’ll just use it to get wasted.” My take on that is “so?”
When I was homeless, if you bought me a beer, you were being nice. That’s all. It’s not a chance to lecture me about turning my life around. It’s not a chance for you to project on me all the mistakes I’ve made in your imagination. It’s not a contract where if you give me five fucking dollars I somehow go to college with it and hunt you down when I’m rich to thank you profusely for the five dollars. It’s just a gift.🎁
Let shit flow, don’t be a damn dam.
I learned a long time ago life’s too short to try to hang on to what we give away. It stops flow. Stuff makes an entry, stuff makes an exit. When it exits, I wave it goodbye. I don’t keep its number so I can call it later to feel good about myself. But many folks act that way when giving. It’s part of greed. Billionaires do that too. Makes me puke.
Giving vs investing.
One reason rich bastards have so much money is they never give any away. They may tell you they do. Might even make news! But their net worth is always increasing. They only give when it’s profitable. That’s not giving, it’s investing. The two are very much different.
I feel good in my heart about where I’m at in life. I’m cozy. I’m not rich or anything, but I don’t have financial aspirations I think about everyday. So to me, I feel successful in that area. I live in a cool place, play fun music, eat delicious food. I’m alright.
If I give you something, I am not looking to improve my situation somehow by doing it. I’m hoping to improve your day, if possible. That’s all I want when I give. To be a boost for someone.
This can be a beer, a song, money, I’ve given guitars away multiple times, even giving folks time is me saying, “enjoy this.” If you get it from me, you can do anything you want with it. By the time you get it, I probably felt better about giving it anyway, that’s all I was after.
No contracts!
Giving is not complicated, it’s not a contract, it’s not an investment. It’s simply saying, “take it, you need it more than I do.”
No “gifts.”
If you can’t give without strings, I hope you find out why. The reason is gifts with strings suck. It’s like servitude, bondage. I avoid that at all costs. Keri and I have a music policy where we don’t accept gifts anymore as a band from strangers. You can bet that’s the reason. We are not beholden to anyone but ourselves on creative fronts. You can’t invest in the sails and steer the ship. We don’t work that way. It happened a few times and we just said “no more accepting gifts from strangers, (even from some family! Haha.)” That’s capitalism not creativity. Believe it or not, they are not the same.
Kintners Indie Repository
I made a Kintners Indie Repository this week. Everything in there is totally a gift. There’s some multi-track sessions (more to come but they take a minute, haha), there’s some art, lyrics, chords, and there’s MP3’s of every song I’ve done from every project. Believe me when I say, it’s yours.
You can cover it, sample it, “steal” it. I don’t care. In fact, I’d like to know what you come up with someday, but I don’t have to know. I think that shit is all cool and I’m happy to be helping out if that’s the case. To me, it feels like an asynchronous collaboration with strangers. The ball is in your court. I’ve done what I can do with it. haha.
Take it, all good.
I’m very happy I’m able to make songs. I think sharing them is me saying, “here, take it. You need it more than I do.” To me, that’s also meaning, “I do not care what you use it for.” If I did, that would be a contract. I’m not into those.
Return to home.🏠
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