(If you had to leave a dangerous situation and feel like a ghost, you’re a survivor. This is not for you. Carry on with your bad self.)
Is this thing on?
One thing I’ve noticed years into my mental illness recovery process is that no one seems to talk to me unless I talk to them first, (except Keri). I’ve worked at getting rid of most of those folks in my life. Wasn’t hard, I just quit talking to them. I have a few stragglers either because I still like them, or I’m uncertain if they do it on purpose. But eventually, I’ll have it so I have folks on my phone that actually talk to me.
I am not sure folks realize what mental health stigma is, but it feels a lot like being at the house by myself with tons of “friends” who never actually talk to me. They’re in my phone, when I was on social media I saw their posts, but a deep conversation? Not happening.
This is particularly frustrating from folks who talk about being supportive, or an “ally,” or a family member who ghosted me years ago with a “bipolar awareness” sticker on their profile. They were never in danger and they abandoned me at the lowest point in my life. Maybe they’re aware that was wrong, I can’t say. We don’t talk.
Think before you swap numbers.
If you have a friend with bipolar disorder and you can’t handle crazy, think about not being friends with them. You’re prejudiced and don’t hear their needs. You’re not even good for a ride to the psych ward. Get out now, before you’re exposed.
If you don’t mind crazy, someone out there needs you. It’s lonely in the crazy boat. Meds make even a little sunlight very problematic. Not interested in cars or crowds. But if you know crazy, you get it. We might be able to be friends if you’re tolerant.
The thing that really chaps my ass.
The thing that bugs me the most is when I can tell no one is listening even though we’re supposedly in a conversation. I have to repeat myself often. I have to remind folks where we are often. They aren’t even trying between their phone and what they’re waiting to say. And I usually just quit. One time a counselor I was paying fell asleep. I left. They never knew. Been lonely this long, don’t suppose a little longer will hurt nothing.
Even yesterday…
Yesterday, I experienced a lot of mental illness prejudice for everything from physical symptoms to complete lack of knowledge of bipolar disorder. I was told my head was up my ass by a local music someone I liked and offered anything they wanted I could help them with. Thought we might jam someday. I liked their songs. They liked feeling superior. Bye bye.
I was ghosted by kids who were never in danger over 10 years ago. They must have been inconvenienced or embarrassed by me. That’s prejudice. Want to know where “ghosting” came from? Check psych wards. They are full of the ghosted.
Silence and Stigma.
When we’re talking to folks who are mentally ill, it’s helpful to remember they’re folks, as well as mentally ill. If you aren’t able to do that, I’d skip that conversation. You’re just painful. No use to them at all.
Before you say this doesn’t have anything to do with music, let me say you’re not thinking right. Mental health issues run rampant in every music community I’ve ever been in my whole life, even before internet. It’s a constant. I’ve encountered support and it’s wonderful. But mostly I get silence and stigma.
For more on Bipolar Disorder.
For more on ghosting.
Return to home.
Keri is not a ghost to me. She is the most fun person to talk to in my life. Very grateful to her. She treats me with kindness. It’s quite nice, even after years of being together and years as musical partners. I’m literally okay today because she was there and held me several times. If you aren’t into those kinds of relationships, don’t initiate them.