Honesty, bias, and the American way.

Even the flag used to feel different.

What’s with all the lies?

People lie about stuff. Every day. I used to lie a whole lot. Lied about everything. It didn’t have to be important, they just came out like I was a lie machine.

It took a lot of work to get better from that. Turns out it was a habit from traumatic times I got carried away with.

So, I don’t punish people in my brain for lying like I’ve been punished. If folks have issues I just hope they find a method of recovery like I did, go about my day.

But when they tell me they love me and never want to talk or visit, that’s a lie that hurts. It’s called bias.

Uno is such an underrated rad game.

The cards are stacked..

I’m a mental health patient, I’m also an old fat white guy. Not sure which is the bigger turn off, but I do know between those two notches in my belt, it excludes a lot of folks who can’t deal with them yet.

What would help is a little honesty. “Kelly, I’m gonna’ be honest with you,” isn’t something commonly said. Instead folks opt for unsaid things that leave me in the dark and just wondering.

It gets old. I try to be upfront about who I am so folks know what they’re getting into. I don’t want to lead anyone on with a facade. I’m looking to make real pals, not just notifications and numbers. I think this makes folks uncomfortable. I could be wrong, but since no one will fucking talk to me about it, I’m left just pondering.

I know folks are busy. I know everyone has a life. I don’t even mind breaks or infrequent conversations. This is not about that. It’s about avoiding me. I’m a mixed bag.

My diary.

This is hopefully an honest journal.

It’s a dilemma because I want to keep an honest journal here so I can mark changes and moods. However, being completely honest has its drawbacks. Folks don’t always like what you say because you’re a human with preferences, I guess. I like those preferences in people. They represent decisions, thinking, personality. I don’t have to agree with someone to find them likable or interesting. I think it’s awesome they’re human-ing.

If you need someone to agree with you all the time about your preferences, you’re seeking affirmation. Not what I’m after, (it’s the 90’s). I don’t need you to agree with me for us to talk. In fact, I like it when you disagree. It gives me stuff to think about. That’s being a good friend. Pretty rare these days. Wasn’t always. I think it’s because my in person demeanor is a lot less scary than my writing one. Don’t know how to change it because I don’t know if I really want to.

It’s always a good day for riot gear.

All the noise.

Crowds are tough, for me. Always have been. I’m bothered by a tendency to perform like a child. Online crowds are no different. I have to target messages like letters or lasers to folks I’m thinking about. Otherwise I’m not writing messages. I’m simply writing. That’s okay, but I’ve done a lot of that. I have a purpose with it now. Not interested in performing for the sake of performing. I’d like to chip in, somehow, using what I’m good at.

Key thought here. Get it? Keys?

Do we know what vital means?

I don’t look to art for a distraction or leisure. To me, music and art contain important messages. Everything, from about the time it was made to deep revelations in human nature. I’m amazed by the human’s capacity to make such beautiful things. It gives me hope that humans can do good things, not just all bad things. It’s vital.

Okay, see that was my opinion. If you don’t agree or you do, or if you feel like you got something from that, let’s be pen pals. [email protected]. Imagine me getting to know you from what you reveal to me. I write like this to friends too, just ask them. I think I’m doing the whole bipolar thing with typing and thinking at the moment. Not mad at it.

I could be blowing up inboxes and bothering folks all over the world. I’m different today. I try to only do it if you’re asking for it. I get that wrong sometimes. Sorry.

I tried to think of a happy liar. Best I got.

Who is happy and totally dishonest?

Again, things like honesty and boundaries, help the shit out of me. Online especially. I can read body language usually but online doesn’t even give you that. I contend honesty is a big part of the recovery process of the USA, like it was for me. 🇺🇸 Dishonesty is the norm here. That’s not a recipe for happiness. Anyone ever thought about this?

If you disagree, tell me how you feel and send me something to look at. I’ll do it. If you agree, give me something to look up or read that explores the topic further and I’ll do it. If you find me interesting but find yourself a little fearful, thanks for being honest. I’d suggest sticking around. I’ve only ever punched two people in my whole life. I’d say folks are pretty safe around me, historically speaking.

As long as there’s profit in it, fuck everything let’s do it.

Bias, most times. I mean, duh, it is the USA.

I assume bias in folks often. I try not to. I try to think about life in their shoes. Believe it or not, I find this kind of thinking necessary for songwriting. If I can’t imagine a friend’s life, I’m no good at creating characters. It helps me do art, keeping in touch. Social media isn’t that. Social media is about getting lots of folks, big numbers, bells and whistles…. I’m merely concerned with one face at a time. I don’t want to mess anything up. I don’t want to be a nuisance. But 99 percent of all my friends used to think I was cool and no longer do. Either I got too old and fat, or I got too bipolar. All three, bias. If they were busy and still liked me, they could let me know they’re busy. I get very busy. I often don’t write for a few days with all the stuff I have going on. But that doesn’t mean I’m neglecting friends and family. Now if I thought they were crazy..

I realize my entries may sound as though I am miserable because I often talk about what I want or what is wrong. That’s just keeping a journal, folks.

Important about me.

Disclaimer: I am not a miserable lonely person. Just because I want more friends doesn’t mean I don’t already have amazing ones. I work on tons of music. I do stuff all over town! I even work with Keri on other things that get me out and get my blood pumping. I’m super content with my friends. I just think the USA right now is a lot like I used to be, traumatized and telling lies all the time. Hard to get a handshake, or an honest answer. Hell, it’s hard to make friends. And if we don’t buddy up, we lose everything. It’s a matter of national security. Being alone with the truth only serves fascists.

Got a pulse?

I’m interested in honest folks. I’m not particular. Don’t even really have to be honest, I get it. But there’s a willingness in good times to give someone a lift. As long as we are steeped in lies about folks’ backgrounds, conditions, or preferences, I fear the USA is a no-friend zone. 🇺🇸🙏

Return to home.

“If you want to make it, you are going to have to learn to ride the waves together.” A cool doctor in New York told me this early on in recovery. Keri was with me. He was talking to both of us. It helps us visualize changes or cycles and keep them in perspective. She’s in the raft with me. So we got these tattoos of waves.

I find myself spinning this one again this morning. Has a cool Stephen Stills vibe or something that goes great with coffee.