Imagine a world…
I’m open about bipolar disorder and how I feel like I’m on some kind of loop. I get time moves forward, linear. But I’ll be damned if I don’t find a way to make concentric circles out of that straight line.
Who do you love?
Knowing me is probably frustrating. Out of all the folks I’ve ever met, only a handful have been able to tolerate knowing me for very long. This includes my own kids. It’s case by case whose fault it is, but I have plenty of responsibility in that. However, what I don’t get is why folks tolerate a mental case for president. They even adore them on TV or socials. Meanwhile, they shut out the ones in their lives. I’m betting it has to do with these cycles, but I really don’t know. Maybe folks think crazy is interesting if they’re a safe distance from it. But then again, is electing it president a safe distance? It’s a very tough time right now for the mental patient who is into politics. It’s like, “okay.. WTF.” It’s not just the president. He’s become a catchall for “crazy rich bastards with loads of power.”
Seriously,
If you no longer talk to me, I truly wish you the best life. I’ve moved on too. It’s great. I hope you’re a happy person, seriously.
I feel bafflement. Sometimes I kinda’ feel gipped about the way things are. But the bitter has subsided. For now. It’s only a matter of time, historically speaking. Trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
The excitedly angry thing.
My cycles typically involve a phase of being super hyper and extremely angry. Very opposite of that right now. I like it like now. I feel calm on the inside. Ringing in my ears has subsided. No music, no TV. Just quiet, some news to read. Email to check. Coffee. This is “me.” But I’m also a hyper bitch.
Teeth, who needs ‘em?
My teeth in back are all splinters from grinding. I can’t find a guard that I can deal with. The B-PAP sleep machine is hard enough to get used to. Something in my mouth on top of that, well, just can’t. A lot of times the only sounds I hear are teeth grinding. Even then it might take me a minute to realize it and quit. Work in progress, but I lost the teeth battle.
I get you all out of taking care of myself. I like that.
One reason I write a blog is to chart where I’m at mentally for easy reference. If I can clearly see where I’ve been, it helps me to predict where I’m headed. That’s a valuable tool. So I include how I feel, where my head is at, and what kind of moods are going on. That’s all for me. You folks are just a bonus. Ha!
I love making music with Keri.
Keri sings here. It’s a fun song.
About Keri and me.
Keri is my partner, best friend, and she’s even been my caretaker when I wasn’t able to help myself. If I’m having a good day, it’s generally because of her in some way. I look forward to hanging out and writing with her, always. Too bad there’s so much real life stuff to do first. But maybe that stuff makes the writing better. Who knows? I do know Keri makes me excited to create. To me, that makes her a hero.
Today is a good day, so far.
If you love a mental patient, thanks. If it wasn’t for a handful of folks, I’d have given up a long time ago. I’ll probably be there again at some point, given the way cycles tend to happen with me. But it’s not as scary today with years of meds and planning with Keri, general healthcare. I got a team now. Not saying “bring it on,” but it does give me relief. I’m very lucky. 🍀 At least I feel that way right now.
Also, thank you, Keri and Dad.❤️
return to home.
