“Don’t follow the lights”
One thing I catch myself saying a lot is “it’s an inside job.” I love that kind of work. What do I mean by it?
I carried around notions and beliefs for a long time about being of service somehow. Being marketable was vital. It changed what came out of me because the bar had been set by some external force like numbers or engagement. Even poverty changed my tones, still numbers related. I was akin to a rat in a maze, fumbling my way to meager rewards.
“Stop the insanity!!!”
I just quit doing it. Not all at once, mind you. I’m prone to rash decisions, but this wasn’t that. The more I gradually quit doing it for other folks, the more I liked my stuff. I had learned after 30 years to finally play for myself. It wouldn’t have taken me so long if my head wasn’t so damn full of the stupid shit folks tell musicians. It took me 30 years to process that crap and reject it.
“Just be yourself, no big wup.” Gimme’ a break.
The main thing folks tell you is “just be yourself.” This is a lot like “just say no to drugs,” in my opinion. In this society we’ve belligerently created, being yourself is not as easy as “just be yourself.” There’s too many messages, too many blocks of cheese. All directions.
My goal as an artist and craftsman is to put myself into objects or songs. Not for legacy, not for reviews, or even rewards. I simply enjoy doing it. The stuff I enjoy making the most comes from me, it has me in it somehow. I have a statement or thought I think would be great done up. So I do it because it’s what I do.
I don’t need a phone to do it. I don’t even need internet. All that comes after alone time with the guitar. That is actually what I do best. There’s no one involved. The buttons, takes, DAW’s, effects, come after I’ve been alone a while with an instrument. I am able to dig and find something when no one’s around that makes me happy. It was all me. That’s why I do it.
I love bringing these nuggets to projects with other folks. But I need the alone time first, or I’m just bringing other folks’ material. I have to be if I hadn’t listened to myself in a while.
All about the alone time.
No one brags about the time they spend alone. I think we should start. I spend several hours a day alone, working at home while Keri works a few miles away. This time has enabled me to dig a little. It’s fun now. I always find something. It bolsters me, much like tending a garden bolsters plants.
The good kind of growth.
I am growing because of this alone time. I hadn’t felt that in a while and it feels good. Growth like this is good. Growth in numbers is just making someone else more filthy rich. I opt for the personal growth.
Self-fulfillment is not a waste of time. Otherwise, you would be a waste of time.
I say “it’s an inside job” a lot. I don’t feel bad about that one if folks ask for tips. If it took me 30 years to learn it, I feel great about saving you some time.
Self-fulfillment, even for entertainment purposes, is supporting who you are to yourself. I don’t know of a better way to spend the morning, personally. Well, maybe playing in a protest band, but that could be just me..
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